The Cruise
by Grant White, Apologies to Roald Dahl
The Cruise ( Tales of the expected ).
Despite his reluctance, aging lothario, Richard Cadman embarks on a cruise looking for victims – mature women with big bouncy bank accounts.
But the thought of being trapped on board at the scene of the crime brings on a slight feeling of claustrophobia and a thought occurs to him: the ship might have a swimming pool – a pool on a ship sailing on the sea !
He shrugs off the strangely unsettling thought, the potential pickings on board outweighing any neurotic fixations.
Over lunch he chats to a nice widow and drops into the conversation.
“I’m an amateur jeweller, oh just a little hobby of mine, just for fun you know !
he chuckles.
“I’m never without my loupe !”
He examines her jewellery…
After lunch, a quiet time, the passengers dozing off their refreshments.
He seeks her out.
Being a professional he drank very little.
But she has gone for a dip in the ship’s pool.
where she notices a child playing with a toy boat.
Her sudden piercing scream echoes throughout the ship.
She cries out.
“In The Pool ! – A Child- THE POOL ! A BOAT …with…a boat !
A toy ! boat … in pool …A CHILD !…has…pool…Boat on the Toy.. boat …we are…Pool…boat - CHILD…Aaaagh !
The Purser is soon on the scene.
Mr Cadman explains to the Purser.
“We chatted over lunch, seemed such a nice lady, a widow, childless you know.”
He says sympathetically.
The purser responds.
“Oh yes ! a certain age, too much sherry, yes yes, childless ? yes yes, the sun the sea air, motion sickness, oh yes the nerves you know, oh yes we see this kind of thing quite often”.
The Purser clears his throat and comforts the distressed widow.
“Now then Miss ..there there …come along now, a nice cup of tea and a little lie down yes, yes, that’s the ticket.”
He confides to Cadman.
“I’ll look in on her Sir, oh yes, leave it to me Sir, I’ll keep my eye on her…”
Cadman & the Purser exchange looks.
Cadman exclaims under his breath.
“Damn ! a good prospect wasted”.
Her nerves will make her immune to his charms. So now he is back to square one - finding another victim and the passengers, agitated and on the defensive.
And there is that unsettling feeling again and no escape.
“Hmm. What to do” ?
While deciding on whether to cut his losses and enjoy the trip or try to find another prospect, he finds he has wandered to the stern of the boat and the ship’s swimming pool where he notices a child in the pool playing with a boat.
Perhaps he had more to drink than he thought or perhaps it’s all the excitement.
But suddenly fifty years evaporate and he is a boy again.
“Oh I say! What fun - I used to sail my model boats with Nanny on the Serpentine…Ah, happy days.
Do you mind if I have a look sonny ?
Very nice, Oh and very detailed too“.
He takes out his loupe & examines the model ship.
He notices the toy ship has a swimming pool, and in the pool of the model ship is a tiny model of a ship and on that tiny model there… is a pool…and…in the pool…a…ship…with a model…and…!
Then with a start & a choking gasp.
“ The POOL!... on the ship…a toy boat…She said.. With a pool and a toy boat in it…with…a.. POOL AND A boat …with…Aaagh ! Nooo !”
At the sound of his cries several passengers and crew rush to help.
The child cringes away from the shouting old man and reaches out to retrieve his boat just as Mr Cadman turns his head mid scream and sees the gigantic face of a child looming above and a huge hand reaching down from the sky towards the ship !
by Grant white
