MILK 451 - News from the Future
By Grant White
Dateline: 2084 University of Milkopolis – C.R.L (the Condensed Republic of Lactainia).
Excerpt from 1st year introductory History Lecture.
“…So as we can see it has been conclusively proved that the collapse of 20th-21st century civilisation can be traced directly back to the disappearance of Milk Men. “
The breakdown of society started immediately upon their abolition ( circa 1979 ) and the seizure of Services by Criminal gangs, the privatisation of compassion & the out sourcing of hope, – which lead inevitably to – homelessness, inflation, plague, addiction, famine, Envy, self-importance, despair, economic collapse, family breakdown & many other social ills, culminating in children amusing themselves by stabbing each other to death.
Prior to this period, as unofficial social workers, Milkmen & Milkwomen, would befriend their customers: - keep an eye on them, ( watch out for bottles mounting up on the doorstep ) change light bulbs, keep tabs on Ne’erdowells and generally maintain the wellbeing of society.
Similarly other working class ‘Prefects’ who kept society functioning also disappeared, ie: bus conductors & window cleaners ( un-afraid of heights & ladders ) etc.
Conductors for example were the Captains of their bus – their word was law - after they were phased out lone bus drivers ended up in bullet proof cabs !...
Thankfully after the devastation of ‘The Spillage ’ of 2029,
Our enlightened Milk Based regime was established by our glorious leader The Milk Monitor, civil society was restored to order by his heroic, Milkmen of Human Kindness.
Now that peace, order & contentment have been established, we graze on the bounteous generosity of the Milkmen Of Human kindness & their daily soothing deliveries.
So let us raise our glasses & salute our great leader,
Humphrey the First – The Milk Monitor !
…Melksham - the town where Condensed Milk was invented.
